資料來源:周祝瑛（2000）。猪肉攤上的教育家。臺北：南宏。
豬肉攤上的教育家(My mother， My techer)
放眼美國(Eye on America)
Time of Questions
Even though I have been here (i．e． Los Angeles) more than half a year， I continue to ask myself why I came． During the past few months， I have given up almost all personal pleasure to bury myself in an endless stream of academic work． In addition to this， I have also had to endure loneliness． What for? Just because I had the honor of receiving a scholarship? For a better future? Or just to go on an adventure? I'm still searching for the answer．
As a newlywed， I left my husband， family， and a good job to come to a totally unfamiliar environment． I feel like E． T． when he came to the earth． I was lost in this country， had no confidence， and very few friends．
Yes， my study in the U． S． has been full of confusion and trials． Although my English is not poor， I am more familiar with standard pronunciation and formal usage and the frequent use of slang and abbreviations confuse me totally． I feel like a fool
whenever people have to say “Pardon me?” again and again， or when I misunderstand someone's simple statement． Additionally， I am fustrated that I cannot express myself the way I was able to in Taiwan． (I am an amateur writer and an eloquent speaker in Chinese．)
In the first few months after my arrival， I did not dare go out by myself because I often got lost． People repeatedly told me， “This is a very dangerous city． Don't stay out late．” Due to the language barrier and the unfamiliar environment， I felt insecure， homesick， and miserable．
The First Contact
For the first time in my life I received a ticket from a policeman． One afternoon during my first week here， I followed other pedestrians who were crossing the street despite the “Don't Walk” signal light． Unexpectedly， a policeman stopped me and asked， “Can you read English?” I replied， “Yes．” “Don't you see that signal?” he asked． “But I just followed the others，” I tried to explain． “That's no excuse． Give me your I． D．，” he demanded． “I just arrived here． I left my passport at a
friend's house，” I said． At that moment， I was too nervous and scared to recall anything． Finally， I remembered something． I told him I was going to study at UCLA next month． “Hmmmm， a
very good university，” he said ． Then he asked me what my name was and what department I was going to study in and told me， “You'll receive a ticket very soon， bye．” “But…” I murmured．
On another weekend， I visited my host family． That night I was very confused by the faucet in the bath tub． No matter how hard I tried to get warm water， only cold water came out． Since I was already in the tub， it was too late for me to ask for help．
This had never happened to me before． I could not do anything except take a cold shower． The next day I had a stuffy nose and asked the hostess for help． She showed me how to do it and I laughed． All this proved to me what I had a great deal to learn in order to adapt to new circumstances．
On day my landlady tried to make fun of me by jumping out of her room suddenly and saying “Boo!” to me． But my calmness surprised her， so she tried it again． I was confused， “What do you mean by this?” Finally， she realized I did not know this expression
and explained it to me． I burst into laughter and told her that in Chinese we used “hwa” instead of “boo．” We both laughed and from that moment it became a personal joke between us． I have learned that there is a great gap not only in language but also in
culture between Americans and Chinese． It is not learned information， it is not even information， it is justexistence， as another foreign student has said． Yes， there are a lot of things to learn!
The library is one of my favorite places on campus． However， I also had an experience in the library which proved my innocence． One afternoon， after checking out some books and as I walked through the exit， the bell rang． I was stunned by the noise． In a few seconds the librarian approached me， took the books from me and left me embarrassed in front of everyone． I remember wishing there was a hole in the ground I could jump into! After examining the books， the man returned them to me， saying the detector had malfunctioned． I felt humiliated． After picking up my books， I ran away with tears in my eyes．
Unlike Americans， people in my country are used to buying goods with cash． Until I came to America I had never used a check． I recall the first time my friend took me to a bank to open an account． After I filled out the application forms and showed the
teller my passport， I was told that I could not open an account without a social security number． “What? A social security number? But I am not a citizen， why do I need that?” I
exclaimed． “I am sorry． It is our policy，” she replied． What a strange place! Just to deposit my own money in a savings account， I needed a social security number as proof of identification．
Eye on America
When I was in Taiwan people always talked about how prosperous and advanced America was． In the Chinese language， the term used for “America” means “a beautiful country．” Yes， it is a modern and beautiful place． However， after having been here for a while， I discovered that， like any other country on this earth， America is not a paradise after all． I found truth in a Chinese proverb describing America as “a fairyland for children， a battlefield for adults， and a graveyard for the
old．
”
A Fairyland for Children
Several years ago when I saw the movie “E．T．，” I was surprised to see that little outerspace creature hidden among piles of toys in an American boy's room． But then I decided that it was just a movie． It was not until I visited a friend here that I decided
that it was not just a movie——it was a depiction of a typical American child's room． When I played with my friend's children we were surrounded by dinosaurs， transformers， remote control cars， and so on． Playing with them reminded me of my childhood， but I had never had so many toys． I wished I were a child again．
Yes， America is a fairyland for kids． Unlike their Chinese and Japanese counterparts， American kids are not under severe pressure exerted by their schools or families． Children are educated individually according to their talents． Being unique，
creative， and independent are very important qualities． With proper guidance， children can develop themselves accordingly． Academic achievement is not emphasized as vigorously in the U． S． American kids are always
energetic， happy， active， and even “buzzing with enthusiasm．” While their oriental counterparts are busy with their homework or perhaps being helped in extra hours by their tutors， the American
kids are busy planning for their holidays and tours．However， as the number of broken families increases， single parenting produces
many problems． Teenage troubles become social issues． Drugs， violence， and pregnancy， like epidemic diseases， threaten every teenager． The teenage years are
a critical period in this fairyland．
A Battlefield for Adults
Practical， aggressive， independent， and confident are my impressions of the main characteristics of American people． In order to survive in a highly competitive society Americans operate at full throttle and strive to be the best． Productivity and
efficiency make Americans workaholics． People are very serious at work but they
also know the importance of relaxation and rest． On weekends， one can see cars lined up on the highways， as families are hurrying off to spend their holidays in the mountains or at the beach．
In this developed country， courtesy coupled with a sense of humor maintain social harmony． Science and law make society orderly and impartial． Capitalism drives people to pursue profits and individualism encourages people to be private and keep their
distance from each other． To Americans， there is an intense competition as they struggle for the life they desire． In this society， only the fittest will survive， and only the strong will receive applause．
A Graveyard for the Old
Brought up in a three—generation family， I have enjoyed wisdom and warmth from elderly people all my life． After my arrival I lived with a retired American teacher who has been a widow twice． She seems to be independent and full of common
sense， but she is lonely． To my surprise， her two “dear” children (as she refers to them) seldom visit her． “They are not to blame，” she once said． “Besides， the best way to maintain a good relationship with my children is not to disturb their family life．”
Although she appears to be busy， she is lonely． In order to escape the deep sorrow she feels for her dead husbands and her subsequent feelings of emptiness， she occupies herself with bridge games， parties， shopping， and so on． Like thousands of other senior citizens in this country， she lives all by herself without any financial and spiritual support from her family． In my eyes， she is materially well off， but she has to face the reality of living without specific aims and making her life just another game she must play．
Eye on Los Angeles
Los Angeles is a young city， without tradition or culture， and a capital for producing dreams for the future． It is a place where the impossible has come true． People come to L．A． from all over the world． As a professor said during the school orientation， “Since there is no real host here， you are not guests at all．” Walking in the street you find you are always surrounded by an international scene． You are never the only alien． You can hear all sorts of languages spoken everywhere． English bridges the gap between
strangers but speaking your native language can ease the loneliness of the homesick．
Los Angeles is a city of the rich and the poor． The obvious and tremendous distance between these two is very significant． When the arrogant businessmen are giving a party located in Beverly Hills or Hollywood， guests wearing luxurious min
k coats and flashy jewelry toast with champagne and discuss their vacations or the stock market． On the other side of the city， the homeless people are lying on the beaches shivering in the cold wind． What a contrast!
Los Angeles is also a place where the good and the evil are coupled． In the California sunshine people look healthy and happy． They are polite， amiable， and willing to help． Bus drivers greet their customers with smiles and patience． Once
in a while， they sing songs and decorate their bus with red and white trimmings for Christmas．
(One big blue bus was decorated red and surprised all the passengers．) On the other hand， L．A． can be hostile． Its rising crime rate threatens security on the UCLA campus．
Students need an escort to accompany them to the bus stop at night． An innocent pedestrian was shot while walking in Westwood on the weekend． Two friends of mine from UC—Berkeley were robbed by gang members at 10 p．m． as they were entering a parking lot． In Taipei， I was not worried about walking on the street even after 11 p．m．， because there were always other pedestrians near by． But this is not the case in Los Angeles after dark． How different!
Time of Reflection
Reading assignment after assignment， paper after paper， I， like an octopus whose tentacles reach into every corner， have plunged into the battle． In the past few months， I struggled with adjustment and suffered the bitterness of being home
sick． I was still questioning until one day I woke up and a voice inside spoke to me， “You must be brave and keep on going．” I often think of the Chinese proverb“ The sky will be blue again after the rain．”（雨過天晴） I know this feeling of insecurity will be overcome through perseverance． I just need to keep trying． From that day on， I wiped the tears away and then continued throughout the trial． I have gone from being puzzled to aware， from being weary to confident． Finally， I see some improvement．
Through these adventurous encounters and by comparing the different cultural identities， I began to realize things about myself． This process reminds me of “empathetic understanding．” In order to understand a new culture， I must not be a critic． Although I
am still not accustomed to this practical culture and the materialistic trend on campus， the persistent devotion of many professors to the academic work has inspired me very much． Besides， the American smile is a good present worth
remembering． Yes， why not keep on going?
〔本文為1988年UCLA外籍學生顧問中心(OISS)年度徵文入選作品〕